A naturalist Psychiatrist has a supernaturalist Patient on his Couch

S:  Good morning, Naturalist.

N:  Good morning, Supernaturalist!  What shall we discuss today?

S:  I would like to talk about Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

N:  Ah, yes.  Your 2,000 years-dead, invisible friend, Jesus.  Alright.  Go ahead.  What did your invisible friend Jesus tell you today.

S:  Well, when I was on my knees this morning praying to Jesus, he told me that I should warn you, Naturalist, that if you do not submit to him and believe in him as your Eternal Slave Master, that when you die, he is going to be forced by his perfect holy righteousness, to cast you into a pit of fire to burn for all eternity.

N:  Ok, Supernaturalist.  We certainly have a lot to chew on there, don’t we?  Let’s start at the end of your statement and go backwards:  You realize, Supernaturalist, that when anything is placed into fire it burns up rather quickly.  So even if it is true that I will be cast into a pit of fire by your invisible friend Jesus, I will not burn for all eternity.  I would burn up in a matter of minutes.

S:  It’s magic fire.

N:  No, Supernaturalist, we have gone over this before.  There is no such thing as magic fire.  Fire has defined properties.  Magic fire is imaginary.  It isn’t real.  This is simply a story.  You should not believe it as fact.  It is an irrational belief.

S:  But Jesus tells me in my heart that it is true!

N:  Have you heard your invisible friend’s voice tell you this?  If so, we are going to have to up the dose of your medication.

S:  No, I don’t hear audible voices, Naturalist, but I feel him speak to me, I sense him speak to me, and Jesus says so in the Bible, the inerrant Holy Word of God.

N:  How do you know, Supernaturalist, that the inaudible voice that you feel and sense is that of your imaginary friend, Jesus, and not your own voice, speaking to yourself?

S:  Well, I guess I can’t prove that it is Jesus’ voice, but the voice that I feel and sense tells me things that are consistent with the Bible and the Bible can’t be wrong, therefore the voice in my head must be Jesus.

N:  And how do you know that the Bible is true, Supernaturalist?  After all, it was written approximately 2,000 years ago, by mostly anonymous writers.  How can we confirm that the Bible is telling us real historical facts and teaching us inerrant truths if we know nothing about the people who wrote it?

S:  The voice in my head says I should believe it.

N:  Hmmm.  I think we are going to have to increase the dose of your medication, Supernaturalist.  Ok, well, tell me a little more about your invisible friend, Jesus.

S:  He is so wonderful!  He was born of a virgin, you know.

N:  A what?  Supernaturalist, virgins cannot have babies.  Didn’t your father have the “birds and the bees” conversation with you?  Babies must have a mother and a father.

S:  Jesus did have a father!

N:  You just said he was born of a virgin.  Which is it, Supernaturalist?

S:  Jesus’ father was the Holy Ghost!

N:  A ghost?  Supernaturalist, did this ghost have a penis and testicles that produce human sperm, because if not, there is no way possible that a ghost fathered a child.

S:  No, the Holy Ghost doesn’t have a body.  It was magic sperm.

N:  Magic sperm.  Oh, my.
 
N:  Ok, Supernaturalist, we’ve run out of time for today.  I think we should start meeting twice weekly from now on.  We have a lot of work ahead of us.

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