Yes, I miss the debate. I love to argue. I miss a good verbal roll in the mud with someone who strongly disagrees with me. I miss learning new perspectives from my readers. I miss the feedback that my site has helped someone in his or her own struggles with the issue of Faith vs. Reason.
I got really sick and tired of the same comments from the same fundamentalist Christians who weren’t interested in debating the issues, but only wanted to tear me down and shut me up. I am very happy not to have to hear from these people anymore. And more importantly, my wife and children are happier that I am not on the computer all day arguing with someone whom I have decided needs to be “straightened out”…right now!
My attitude and outlook on life are much brighter and happier without the daily “battle”.
So how long will I keep blogging? I don’t know, but I am now seeing why other ex-Christians like DagoodS stop or slow down their blogging after a time. Deconversion from fundamentalist/orthodox/conservative Christianity is not something one does over a weekend. It is a long process, but the time comes when you have debated the “evidence” so thoroughly that your conviction that Christianity is false is overwhelming, and you no longer have the need to debate it.
So far, my deconversion has followed these stages:
I was heart-broken to lose my faith. I loved orthodox Lutheranism. I tried desperately to hold onto it. I fought the loss of my faith for four months. I reached out to approximately eight orthodox Lutheran pastors to help “rescue” me, but, as hard as they tried, and they did try, their rescue effort was unsuccessful.
Then I became angry. Very angry. I was angry at the complete waste of my time, energy, and emotional attachments for so many years of my life to what turned out to be a false belief system. I was angry I had been played the fool. I was angry at pastors who knew that the Bible was full of errors, but were too afraid to tell me out of concern for their own job security. And I was angry at the bigotry, injustice, and massive suffering inflicted on the people of the world by this false superstition for the last 2,000 years.
I have to let the anger go.
That’s where I am now. I’m only in the beginning of this phase, but turning off the comments has helped me reach this phase. I feel at peace about my decision to leave my Christian faith. As much as I may have loved it, it was an illusion. It isn’t real. It is a belief system built on superstition, assumptions, and second/third century hearsay. It has no basis in fact. It is wishful thinking, no different than the child who desperately wants to hold onto his belief in Santa Claus, but finally lets go of the fantasy because he knows it isn’t true.
I will be surprised if my blogging lasts any more than another six months, maybe a year. But, let’s see what happens.